Good News Week

It's not all doom and gloom. Our resident Seafarer finds some news that comes with a silver lining.

Good News Week

This catchy 1960s tune was a one-hit wonder by Hedgehoppers Anonymous, a protest song against the media’s obsession with bad news.

While the band’s name indicates a group of Kiwi sheep ‘admirers’, it was, in fact, a British pop group.

The group’s drummer, like many rock stars, was heavily into drugs, which in 1965 was the value meal deal of Stodge Pie and Cornish Scrumpy.

He went downhill at a rapid rate to the “Dark Side”, becoming a naval architect for the Queensland Government. He has snuck into oblivion, and to this day, he is on the long list of people who owe me lunch.

However, Good News is hard to find.

Cast your eyes through any newspaper or listen to the bombardment of bulletins, and you will only find bad news.

Does this mean there is no good news? Certainly not!

 Observing first-hand the Bonza Airline loading and departing precisely on time for Melbourne last Monday morning started my Good News Week off jubilantly.

Shortly after arriving in Melbourne came the newsflash that Prime Minister Albanese and Climate Minister Bowen had dropped significantly in the polls. I was ecstatic; how good does it get? 

This event confirmed the wise old Scottish saying, “Never stand with your money between a fool and the cliff”.

I immediately rang my pal Trevor, who runs a memorabilia shop, and advised him there would be an ex-Prime Minister’s and an ex-Energy Minister’s jacket available soon.

Trevor was delighted. Although the jackets would have some knife holes in the back, he felt they would still attract a good sale, as did the Gillard and Rudd jackets.

On the other side of the globe, despite their economic woes, Argentine new President Javier Milei sacked Infrastructure Minister Guillermo Ferraro for indiscretions.

Good on you Javier! We need you here!

We have a team of Ministers who weave stupidity and indiscretions into an art form!

More good news: Philippines President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. showed some spine, rejecting China’s territorial grab between China and the Philippines.

At the heart of it is a decaying ship, the “Sierra Madre” on Second Thomas Shoal that the Philippines have purposely marooned to reinforce its claim in the shoal and to prevent a repeat of the diminutive Spratley Reef becoming a massive defence base the size of a small island nation. 

Routine missions to bring food and essentials to a handful of Filipino soldiers on the ship has resulted in encounters between the two nations.

My Filipino pals told me they plan to put a Jolly Bee fast food restaurant and Karaoke Bar on the shoal, which will surely deter the Chinese.

Good News from Finland. The country has achieved the lowest electricity prices in Europe thanks to abundant new power capacity, including the 1.6GW Olkiluoto 3 nuclear plant.

Nuclear power contributes 40% of the Nation’s power, well ahead of 19% from hydro and wind energy.  

Captain Kjell Holm, a good friend and excellent ambassador for Finland, says Finland and 43 other nuclear nations have received work experience applications from Australian Chris Bowen. But the spelling of “Noowkelar” at the head of his application hasn’t been helpful.

Records released last week show that the Brazilian economy has picked up immediately after their consistent World Cup wins. Their goal-kicking heroes at each event have been nominated as national leaders.

This shows that good news is highly infectious, for a little while anyway.

In Scotland, the discovery last month of Jurassic-era pterosaur flying reptile skeletons on the Isle of Skye has excited local palaeontologists. Its appearance in the Middle Jurassic of the UK was a complete surprise, as most of its close relatives are from China.

It shows that this group of reptiles appeared earlier than thought and quickly gained an almost worldwide distribution.

Local bird expert Hamish McDonald commented that this period aligned with the Scots' invention of whisky, fishing and golf and its global distribution networks.

“We’re awfa clever at givin’ the whole wurld good things ye know, we even sent Scotsmen to every nation to lift their game!”

In Nigeria, local philanthropist and all round good guy Ambrose Mubootoo, announced in a local Press Release:

  “Ah neely fellova wiff pride at de Souf African football event dat attracted so many visiturs to Africa. We haven hav so much fun since Idi Amin and Mugabe, wen dey used to chase de white folks wiff lions and crocodiles in dat obstacle race.

Dis is soh impotant foh de whole continent dat peeple leave to go back home wiff a good impreshun!

So foh all de people who came here to Africa and was suppotin’ de teams dat lost, mah very own corporation will refund their fares AND expenses. Just senn me your bank details an we will fix it no problem”.

Iceland has reported a 400% increase in volcano tourism from a curious source - Russian Gulag mineworkers.

Gulag Mine spokesman Boris Vorobieff said:

“Ze 7000 vurkers here all have somesink in common – a vingeing Muzzer-in law. Ze old bitches vanted to go somewhere varm for vinter.  So ve chartered some Antonov heavy lift planes and ve sent them to Iceland to view ze volcanoes close enough to get warm, or maybe even hot.

Ve have also convinced zem zat roller skates are ze recommended footwear for inspecting ze very interestink hardened lava inner surfaces of craters”.

And the final piece of good news from extremely unreliable sources - Combat Clothing of Southport Queensland has won a significant batch of orders of bulletproof and knife-proof jackets from the huge cast of Federal, State and local politicians and bureaucrats in Australia.

CEO Stewy Bruce was reported to have said:

“There are so many of those untrustworthy bastards that the public want to return some pain to. It’s a big growing market, and we are considering diversifying into knife and gun manufacturing, to provide a one stop shop.”

 The 1965 Good News Week lyrics are interesting.

It's good news week
Someone's dropped a bomb somewhere
Contaminating atmosphere
And blackening the sky

It's good news week
Families shake the need for coal
By stimulating birth control
We're wanting less to eat

It's good news week
Doctors finding many ways
Of wrapping brains in metal trays
To keep us from the heat

Thought for the Day

"For things to change, you need to change. For things to get better, you need to get better.

The good news is you can change, you can get better; you can start right where you are, and you can go as far as you want to go."
Jim Rohn

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